Rules for Trolls

Let's make the Twitter experience better for both of us

I compiled these thoughts into a Twitter thread, reproduced below with some light editing:

I had to do some troll-blocking this week and a few trolls are upset and feel singled out. In order to spare future hurt feelings I'd like to offer some guidelines that will hopefully help avert more heartbreak.

1) Blocking is not personal. It’s a matter of Twitter hygiene. As someone with over 10 thousand followers on Twitter and many outspoken critics, I need to cull the herd sometimes when the trolls get out of hand.

2) I apply the “Block Party” principle. At one point I did a 30-day trial of a browser extension called Block Party that allowed me to block groups of trolls: everyone who liked or retweeted a specific tweet, or everyone who follows a particular handle. It was fun, such as the time when I blocked over 1,700 people who “liked” a racist tweet with one click, but ultimately I decided not to spend the $15 per month for the full version.

Even though this software apparently no longer works, the principles still apply. Therefore, this means that if you are an anonymous reactionary troll and you don't want me to block you, you will want to avoid clicking "like" on grandstanding tweets which serve no purpose other than to put me down or announce my inferiority.

3) Depending on my mood, if I happen upon a tweet that says "Mike Lewis is really stupid," or "Mike is an evil heretic" and it has 135 likes, I might very well go down the list and block everyone who liked it. If you want to remain a troll in good standing, avoid liking tweets like these (and obviously don’t post them!).

4) Sometimes I spare a few people from a culling. Typically these are handles of people who use their real identities, those who have showed potential in the past, or for whom I have a soft spot for some reason. But if you associate yourself with an especially cruel or offensive tweet, do not count on remaining unblocked. I am a benevolent micro-influencer, but I am not a doormat.

5) One reason I block trolls is to prevent the chaos from getting out of hand. It's like weeding a garden. And let's face it, if you're anonymous and you are liking tweets by crazy people who hate me, I think it's fair to say we probably won't become friends anytime soon. Let’s not prolong the inevitable.

6) A general suggestion for those interested in engaging in troll-like behavior: consider coordinating and timing your trolling rates. During your next strategy meeting (assuming you have them), discuss imposing a limit of 2-3 responses per troll per post. I think a reasonable cap is a maximum of 5 trolls to a post. And please mix up the talking points! Repetition creates annoyance, and if you annoy me, you are more likely to find yourself blocked.

7) At the very least, avoid swarming my tweets whenever possible. If you happen upon one of my tweets and are tempted to lob a mindless rhetorical question my way, but you notice that a small group of trolls seems to have the situation largely under control, it’s better to wait until the next opportunity. In zombie movies, what happens when the entire zombie horde shows up and surrounds our small band of heroes? That’s right — that’s when the military guys show up in their helicopters with their machine guns. Stay away from the horde.

Image by Imaginethebest from Pixabay

8) This one is a challenge and is hotly contested in discussions about trolling best practices. But try to keep name-calling, personal insults, and/or saying cruel things about my loved ones to a minimum. Some prominent trolls think this idea defeats the purpose of trolling, and I can see why. But I assure you, if you act like a human being interacting with another human being, you will likely have more staying power as one of my trolls than if you repeatedly call me stupid and evil.

9) I'll admit, I'm a sucker for concern trolling. If I think you actually care about my welfare, I may let you stick around for months to psychologically torture me. But here’s an important reminder for all you potential concern trolls out there: take the racism, antisemitism, offensive slurs, sedevacantism, and hate speech off your profile page. If I see it, your cover's blown!

10) Occasionally, a troll and I will develop a modicum of mutual respect and even occasionally engage in civil dialogue for an extended period of time. Then, suddenly — out of nowhere — the troll will break our shared peace and fly into a rage, begin uttering profanities at me, and/or lay all the blame for some societal problem on me. This is unacceptable. Please remember to refill your prescriptions before your medication runs out or I may have to block you.

11) Using your real name goes a long way. If your profile looks like an actual person with a handle that represents your real self, you get some benefit of the doubt. Recently, Michael Hichborn, a gentleman who is in a constant state of readiness to lash out at anyone whom he perceives may support the “liberal agenda” stayed unblocked for a good 2-3 weeks more than he deserved. All because I know he exists in real life.

12) If your main purpose is to follow my tweets for opposition research or out of morbid curiosity, your best bet is to avoid interacting with me and those who actively troll me. I probably won't notice you. You may want to invest in a sock puppet account for these purposes.

13) Finally: Picture your trolling as if you and the other trolls are all walking out onto a frozen pond. You're in this together! You have to do it carefully, quietly, spread out, one at a time. Don't jump up and down and scream. And whatever you do, don't do it all at once!

Image: Mike Lewis. This image was created with the assistance of DALL·E 2.

Conclusion

I offer this thread to the many individuals and bots on Twitter who love to hate and harass me. I'm sorry that at times I have to block you. But when I do, you can rest assured that in some small way you succeeded in annoying me. Thank you for your time and happy trolling!

Appendix

In response to my initial Twitter thread, several trolls attempted to respond. Some showed great improvement, but these two cases, which I illustrate below, are examples of very poor trolling technique.

EXERCISE A

Ineffective Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone makes another question their own memory, perception, or sanity. Taking its name from the 1938 play Gas Light, this technique can involve denial, misdirection, and deceit. Twitter trolls use gaslighting to wield control, divert attention, manipulate perceptions, cause discord, or for their own amusement, with the anonymous and broad nature of the platform amplifying its impact.

Twitter troll “Levi Salido” attempted to use this technique in response to my thread. But he ultimately failed and received a block. See if you can detect his mistake:

Poor Levi overplayed his hand. His intention was to use reverse psychology in an effort to convince me that trolls don’t comment on the fact that I blocked them. But a Twitter search of “Mike Lewis blocked me” and “blocked by Mike Lewis” tells a different story. And this doesn’t even account for all the other ways of expressing this, such as “he blocked me too.”

There’s simply no truth to the notion that the trolls I block don’t talk about it, so I didn’t fall for it.

Some examples:

Summary

Levi’s attempt at trolling ultimately failed because he tried to convince me that a verifiable fact was all in my head. Quality gaslighting focuses on the abstract. It’s an advanced trolling tactic because it requires a basic understanding of human thought and behavior, something that the vast majority of twitter trolls lack.

If you do attempt this technique, my advice is to feed me just enough information to pique my curiosity. Consider starting Tweets with "everyone is saying" or “this is why no one takes you seriously.” People are made uncomfortable about the idea of unknown people talking poorly behind their backs.

If you really want to send me down a rabbit hole, try something that will force me to search for information, such as, “Recent studies have shown that people who talk about trolls have a 50% greater likelihood of developing early onset dementia.”

Trolls don’t think of this because as a rule, they don’t do much research beyond reactionary blogs and conspiracy theory YouTube. But I generally try to seek out the truth, and if you make an unverified claim, you might trick me into trying to verify it myself.

EXERCISE B

Proper capitalization

When you troll, try to limit use of improper capitalization. Headings may certainly be capitalized, and an occasional word in all caps can be used for emphasis. Admittedly, I use all caps at times for comedic effect. There is also a certain respect that comes with not capitalizing “i.” It says “i care, but not enough to hit two keys at once.”

But please, don't do this:

Instant block.

That’s all for now. I hope you were enlightened and amazed by this article. If you were, please subscribe and check out all the other stuff I do on the internet.